


The Slate Isn't Clean

by thesparrowspeaks



Series: The Zadison Chronicles [15]
Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Apocalypse, American Horror Story: Coven
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Madison Montgomery Needs a Hug, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, mentions of spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:00:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26681803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesparrowspeaks/pseuds/thesparrowspeaks
Summary: Or, Zoe learns Madison still blames herself for her death.
Relationships: Zoe Benson/Madison Montgomery
Series: The Zadison Chronicles [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1522634
Comments: 3
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I don't quite know the Apocalypse timeline at this point, and I'm bad with dates anyway, so just...if something seems off, do me a favor and hand wave it away. I am. It's fine.

The younger girls arrived back to school just as the crisp fall air began. The first few weeks were as chaotic as when the school first grew, as the girls had to adjust back to the rules of the academy, but it didn’t take long for Cordelia to whip them back into shape. 

Madison, however, seemed to have a hard time adjusting. 

At first, it was just staying clingy to Zoe, following her to every class and meeting without complaint, even if it meant rising early in the morning. Zoe didn’t think much of it, assuming she had just gotten used to spending all day together in the summer and was having a hard time sharing her girlfriend again. 

After a couple of weeks, though, Zoe started to notice Madison get more and more restless at night, constantly tossing and turning and waking up. She would frequently insist on eating alone, until Zoe realized she wasn’t eating at all. All of the progress Madison had made since her last trip to Hell seemed to fade away as she slowly became a zombie once more, except this time she was one that didn’t have the energy to pick fights with anyone. 

Zoe talked with Cordelia about it, seeking advice, but all the Supreme knew to do was try and be there for Madison whenever she was ready to talk. Zoe decided she didn’t want to wait that long, and worked out with Cordelia so she could take off one Wednesday afternoon to try and talk to Madison. 

It turned out to be a good decision, as Madison had once again lingered in the back corner of her classes that morning, looking on the verge of tears. Zoe tried to check on her, but Madison waved her off and went back to playing on her phone. After the last class of the morning was dismissed, Zoe walked over to her girlfriend and sat in front of her calmly. 

“Hey baby,” she said, brushing a strand of Madison’s hair behind her ear, “I took this afternoon off. Can we go upstairs and talk?”

Madison bit her lip and nodded, eyes filling with tears. It tugged at Zoe’s heart to see her girlfriend hurting so much. She wordlessly took the blonde’s hand and led her quietly upstairs, not letting go until they were safely inside their bedroom. Zoe waved her hand to lock and soundproof the room just to keep them from being interrupted before sitting on the edge of their bed, Madison standing in front of her. 

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” she asked gently. 

Madison bit down on her lip harder as a few tears escaped. Zoe tried to lead her to sit on the bed, but she pulled away and crossed her arms. After a moment, she sniffed hard and finally made eye contact with Zoe. 

“I need a sp-spanking.”

Zoe’s eyes widened, both in shock at Madison stating it bluntly as well as confusion as to what prompted it. “Why? You haven’t done anything.”

“Have too,” Madison sniffed. 

“M, you’ve been at my side pretty much permanently for the past few weeks. You haven’t had a chance to do anything,” Zoe said gently. Madison mumbled something in response, so quiet that Zoe had to ask her to repeat it. 

“Didn’t protect you.”

Zoe’s eyebrows furrowed as she tried to piece together what Madison was talking about. “When, baby?”

“When Michael came,” Madison sobbed. “The years are messed up, but this Saturday is the anniversary of when he comes to the school and...and...”

“Madison,” Zoe called, pulling her girlfriend down into her lap. This time the blonde didn’t pull away, but fell into her embrace, burying her face into Zoe’s chest as she sobbed. 

“He hurt you….I shoulda, I could’ve-”

“Shh,” Zoe cooed, holding Madison tightly. “That wasn’t your fault, baby. From what I’ve heard it was a surprise attack, you couldn’t help that.”

“I l-left, r-ran awa-way, I coulda helped you b-before he t-took your s-soul...”

“You didn’t have a choice. You were in danger. You did the right thing, it’s not something you deserve a spanking for at all.”

“Slate isn’t clean,” Madison choked out, before burying her face further and dissolving into intense sobs. 

Zoe held her closely, one hand rubbing her back while the other snaked up to play with her hair in the way she knew Madison usually found soothing. She let her sob a moment, knowing what it meant to have a clean slate, but also knowing there was nothing for Madison to atone for in this situation. Once the blonde cried herself out, Zoe took the chance to pull back enough that she could look her in the eye. 

“Baby, there isn’t even a slate in this situation. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I shouldn’t have left,” Madison whimpered.

“Cordelia made you, right?” Madison nodded in response, and Zoe continued. “You were following the orders of your Supreme. You did the right thing, baby, had you stayed you might have been killed too...and then you wouldn’t be able to distract him that last day.”

“It’s my fault you died,” Madison said, hiding her face once more. This time Zoe didn’t allow it, using her index finger to gently tilt the blonde’s chin up towards her. 

“No, Madison, it’s not,” Zoe told her firmly. “We were in a war. It wasn’t safe for you to stay with me. You did the right thing, baby, and I will not punish you for that.”

Madison nodded, tears still streaming down her face. Zoe sighed and let her burying her face in the crook of her neck, taking to rocking the girl gently instead. 

“Is this why you haven’t been yourself?” she asked quietly.

The blonde nodded, before sniffing loudly. “It happens on Saturday. At least, the date. I can’t lose you again.”

“You won’t,” Zoe promised, pressing a kiss to Madison’s temple. “Would you feel better if we got out of the academy for the weekend? I can’t change the date, but I can change us being in the same house where it happened.”

“Please,” Madison whined. “I can’t...I can’t be in that room, not this week, not anymore-”

“Shhh,” Zoe soothed, playing with her girlfriend’s blonde locks once more to calm her back down. “I’ll talk to Cordelia, alright? We’ll take a trip this weekend and make a new memory.” 

“I’m sorry,” Madison mumbled. 

“It wasn’t your fault, baby-”

“No, I-I...for not t-telling you sooner.”

Zoe’s breath caught, surprised at the apology. She recovered quickly and kissed the side of Madison’s head once more. “It’s okay, baby girl. Thank you for telling me now.” She held her girlfriend securely, the two nestled together for a long time, until Madison finally detached herself. 

“I need to shower,” she grumbled. 

“Do you need me with you?” Zoe asked gently, knowing that sometimes when Madison had these moods she didn’t want to be alone. 

“I can shower,” Madison said, small eye roll making it seem as though she was back to herself, before she quietly added, “but you’ll be here when I’m done?”

“Yes, love. I’m going to go talk to Cordelia about taking the week off, but I will be right here when you get out, I promise.”

Madison nodded before quietly shuffling into the bathroom. Zoe hesitated a moment until she heard the shower water start, before venturing out to Cordelia's office, determined to get the weekend off. She would do anything to make her girlfriend feel better, even if she had to fight the Supreme for it.


	2. Talking with Cordelia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe and Cordelia have a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty short, but a certain commenter got me feeling some kinda way about Zoe and Cordelia, so I added a scene in. Next chapter is back to Zadison comfort, promise. <3

As it turns out, Zoe wasn’t going to have to fight very hard at all. She met Cordelia and ended up seated on her couch, Supreme right next to her, as she explained what just happened. 

“Poor thing,” Cordelia sighed, “I didn’t know there was an anniversary this week, I’ll have to check on Misty and Mallory. Of course you two can take the week off, you need to find a safe place to go.”

“Thanks,” Zoe said quietly, chewing her lip nervously. She managed to stay calm and collected with Madison, but talking to Cordelia about it forced the emotions over her. 

“Come here,” the Supreme said gently, wrapping an arm around Zoe and pulling her in close. 

“No, it’s okay, I need to go back to our room, I promised I’d be back before she finished showering-”

“Zoe,” Cordelia said, “With these old pipes I can still hear the shower on. You have time to sit with me a minute.”

Zoe nodded before snuggling down, laying her head on Cordelia’s chest. The Supreme reached up and ran fingers through her hair, gently massaging her scalp as she did so. Zoe let out a contented sigh as she relaxed. 

“You do so good, Zoe,” Cordelia hummed. “You try so hard to be good, and you do everything you can to take care of Madison and all the little witches in the school. I’m so proud of you.”

A grin spread across Zoe’s face, even as she felt her cheeks get hot in embarrassment. “Thanks,” she mumbled. 

Cordelia pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Are you doing alright, sweetheart?”

“I...yes? Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You do so much,” Cordelia said softly. “And I appreciate it, and I know you’re happy to do whatever Madison needs. I just want to make sure you’re getting a chance to take care of yourself, too. You know you can come to me if you ever feel overwhelmed, right?” 

“I know,” Zoe said, wrapping her arms around the older woman in a hug. “And I’m okay. Thank you.”

The two sat curled on the couch together quietly, Cordelia playing with Zoe’s hair and Zoe basking in the attention for the moment. It lasted until the pipes let out the high pitch whine that let them know the shower water was being turned off. 

“I should go now,” Zoe said softly. She gave Cordelia one last squeeze before standing, stretching slightly before turning to leave. Cordelia stood with her and gave her one last quick hug before kissing the top of her head again. 

“Take care of Madison,” she ordered softly. “I’m going to be having a Council meeting tonight, after lights out, to check on the other two and make arrangements for this week. If either of you want to come you’re welcome, but you don’t have to.”

“I’ll see what Madison wants to do,” Zoe said, opening the door. “Thanks again,” she called as she walked down the hall to her room. Cordelia watched until she made it into her bedroom before returning to her office, smiling about the little witch that reminded her so much of herself.


	3. We're Safe Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe and Madison spend time at an AirBNB.

Zoe and Madison skipped the meeting, but once they had it Queenie agreed to cover for the week so that Zoe could go out of town with Madison, as long as she still got her weekend off as planned. Misty wasn’t at the academy when the attack happened previously, so she wasn’t bothered and offered to step up for the weekend. Mallory and Coco were also invited to the meeting, and while Mallory was adamant she didn’t want to leave the house, she was given permission to skip classes with Coco if necessary.

That next day Zoe took the time to find a place for them to go, finally settling on an AirBNB a couple hours away. It was a luxury cabin in the woods, not too far from civilization but far enough that they would have lots of peace and quiet, and it was close enough that if something happened they could return home straight away. Madison was practically catatonic that entire day, so Zoe ended up doing all of the packing before they left that night.

Once arriving to the cabin, Zoe escorted Madison inside, seating her on a couch in the living area before quickly running back and forth to unpack. Madison sat and looked around, pleased that even though it was a “rustic log cabin” it contained nice furniture, a TV with HDMI hookups, WiFi, a full kitchen, and the promise of a full luxury bath.

Zoe finished bringing in the bags and sat down with Madison, automatically pulling her into her chest. “How do you like it, baby?”

“It’s okay,” Madison mumbled. “At least it has internet.”

“It has all the amenities of a five star hotel,” Zoe said, pressing a kiss to the top of the blonde’s head. “Only the best for my girl.”

Madison blushed and buried her face, snuggling even closer into Zoe. “Thank you,” she said, muffled.

“Of course,” Zoe replied, kissing her head again. “Does being here feel better?”

“I’m not going to feel better until Saturday is over,” Madison confessed, pulling back from Zoe gently. “But this isn’t as scary as being at the school.”

“That’s all that counts.”

* * *

Friday went over quietly, Madison still very timid but seemingly more relaxed to be in a safe place. Zoe spent the morning putting protection wards over the cabin, and the rest of the day snuggled up with Madison catching up on their Netflix watch list.

Saturday, however, started early, with Madison screaming at around 5 in the morning.

“He’s coming, he’s coming, we gotta warn them-”

“Madison, baby, shhh,” Zoe soothed, carefully pulling the thrashing blonde into her arms. She ended up having to pin Madison’s arms to her sides to keep her from hurting either of them.

“He’s coming, let me go, I have to save Zoe-”

“Madison,” Zoe said, voice sharper but still gentle, just enough to cut through her panic. “I’m right here, baby. I’m here, and I’ve got you, and I’m safe. We’re both safe.”

Madison looked up at her, eyes widening as she fully woke, before she buried her face in Zoe’s chest and sobbed. “He’s gonna come back,” she wailed.

“He’s not, baby,” Zoe cooed, letting go of the blonde’s arms in favor of stroking her hair. “We know what to look for, and we know how to handle it this time. It’s okay, baby, we’re going to be okay, I promise.”

Madison just sobbed in response, crying herself out into Zoe’s t-shirt until it was quiet sniffles.

“Do you want to go back to sleep a while?” Zoe asked once Madison’s breathing had evened out.

“No sleep,” Madison whined. “I keep dreaming.”

“Alright, no sleep right now,” Zoe agreed. “Let’s turn on a movie, then. Any preference?”

“Something Disney,” Madison mumbled. Zoe raised her eyebrows but said nothing as she gently lifted Madison and carried her into the living room, depositing her on the couch for a moment while she loaded up _Frozen_. She knew Madison must not be feeling well if she was asking for a Disney movie.

Once the movie was starting, Zoe joined Madison on the couch, pulling the blonde into her arms and wrapping a blanket around both of them while they watched.

“I want today to be over,” Madison mumbled quietly.

“I know,” Zoe said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “We’ll get through it, I promise. Let’s just watch the movie for now.”

Madison nodded and yawned. She was asleep again by the end of the first song.

* * *

The day progressed the same as the morning had. Madison would wake from a night terror, be calmed by Zoe, ask to watch a Disney movie, and fall back asleep within the first ten minutes, rinse and repeat.

Later in the afternoon, Madison awoke once more, screaming louder than she had at any other point in the day.

“Baby, please,” Zoe said, pinning her flailing girlfriend once more, “it’s going to be okay, I promise, we’re safe.”

“The coven,” Madison sobbed. “He’s there, it’s time, he’s there, let me go, he’s there-”

“Shh,” Zoe said, rocking the blonde as much as she could. “Madison, baby, I’m right here, I’ve got you, and we’re safe. Everyone is safe, baby, calm down...calm down a little, just a little, and we can text the coven and check on them okay?”

Madison nodded, burying her face in Zoe’s shoulder and sobbing once more. “Can’t...I can’t...”

“Shh,” Zoe cooed, “breathe with me baby girl. It’s alright. In, and out….in, and out...”

Madison coughed, sobbing too hard to breathe, but Zoe kept trying and soon enough the blonde had calmed to deep shaky breaths. Once Zoe was sure Madison had calmed down, she pulled out her phone and started texting.

“Cordelia got called to a meeting today,” Zoe explained, leaving out that it was a meeting with warlocks, “but I’ll text and see how she is. Would you rather call or text Misty to check on the house?”

“Can we FaceTime?” Madison asked in a small voice. “So I can see the house is safe?”

“Sure,” Zoe said, “if you want to do that. I didn’t know if you’d want to go on video though.”

“If it’s just Swampy,” Madison shrugged, wiping her eyes. “No Coconuts though.”

Zoe snorted before dialing Misty. After a moment the video came up, pointing down at one of the kitchen counters.

“Misty, hit the button to flip the camera,” Zoe explained. After a moment the video shifted to fill with Misty’s face, golden locks framing it.

“Oh hey,” she called. “How’s y’all’s trip? Oh, Hollywood, what’s the matter?”

“Rough day,” Zoe said, “how’s the house? Everything good there? No problems?”

“We haven’ had any strange visitors, if that’s what you’re worryin’ about,” Misty said. “I’m preppin’ some veggies for dinner, the girls have behaved, it’s been a pretty quiet day.”

“How’s Mallory?” Madison asked quietly.

“She’s been alright. Says the day isn’ botherin’ her none cuz she watched that man die, so she ain’t been concerned. Her and Coco have been doin’ their own thing today, but she came down for lunch and seemed fine.”

“Glad it’s going well,” Zoe said. “Have you heard from anyone else?”

“Queenie called to tell us she made it to her hotel,” Misty said, putting the phone down so they were now staring at the ceiling while she chopped vegetables. “Cordelia left early this mornin’ and let me know she made it to her meetin’, but I haven’ heard much from her since. She said Bubbles was goin’ with her though.”

“Cordelia,” Madison whimpered slightly.

“If I hear from her I’ll let ya know, Hollywood. Promise.”

“Thanks, Misty,” Zoe said. “We’ll be home tomorrow. See you then.”

Madison hid her face in Zoe’s shoulder as they hung up, tears welling up once again. Zoe wrapped arms around her.

“Hey, we just checked, the house is safe-”

“What if Cordelia isn’t?”

As if on cue, Zoe’s phone lit up. “It’s her,” she said, unlocking her phone. “Meeting is taking a while, but she is safe and doing well. Look, she sent a selfie of her and Bubbles,” she added, showing the screen to Madison.

“That old bitch,” Madison mumbled, but then she sighed. “He isn’t coming today?”

“No baby, we’re safe today.”

“Zo’...can we take a bath?”

Zoe laughed. “Of course, babe. A nice, long, relaxing bath,” she agreed, standing up to lead the blonde into the bathroom.

After a bath, some food, and another Disney movie, Madison and Zoe fell into a deep sleep. The dreaded day had passed, and all was well.

**Author's Note:**

> Ya ever think about the fact that half these witches probably need some intense therapy, but it's basically impossible to explain the timeline shit, so they just...have to be like this? I do. It makes me sad.


End file.
